It is true though that in life we get labeled or we don’t get labeled, but we feel a certain barrier placed between us and the so called standard beauty.
The Duff or Designated Ugly Fat Friend can be anybody – one who is considered the gateway to the more attractive species in your circle of friends.
Back in highschool i was not even fat, i was so thin that at 14 my friends looked like 16, i looked like 11.
How many times have guys (boys) would talk to me just so they can ask about my friends. How many times have i cried knowing that my crushes (him and him and him…likes them).
I guess no matter how intellectual (ahem) a person is, adolescence is a time when hormones drive you crazy about opposite sex. It kind of makes your love bubbles pop.
At a young age i know was a duff although there was no label back then but the description above is very accurate.
I understand it was partly because of the looks (kidding – it is always about the looks. Love starts in attraction, beauty is your catalyst to love.)
Once a classmate even told me, if i make his science homework, he would court me in return of the favor.
All the while, there was no feeling of belongingness. As teenager, that was what we needed but that is what is deprive from duffs.
Insecurities at hike, emotions at strike, i kept my distance from friends and unconsciously I was looking for a way to the duff thing out of my back. This resulted to me labeled as a weirdo. 😂
Solitude was a good, actually a great friend and a teddy bear is the best companion. There were no disappointment, no embarrasment and no expectations. Ofcourse I have friends, I never banished them. I never would or could cause I love them. The perfect term would be being reserved. I invested less emotion in order to protect myself from getting hurt.
At that point, all that is in my mind was ‘people + love = pain’.
In order to keep sane (like most people would, i’d go to my special spot or spots where i can hide and think of everything under the sun: past, present, future). Or simply escape into my favorite radio station and watch my favorite dj. (Sorry, even on my lowest points of emotional turmoil i still did not resort to drinking, smoking or sniffing whatever -pretty boring huh! – i am a good girl and they cant take that away from me 😇).
I tell you, even in my favorite station, i have been duffed by other djs but not my favorite dj. He treated me like a little sister, and that ACCEPTANCE was all that mattered. It felt special and warm in the heart.
He inspired me to be responsible because he was a working student (college by day, dj by night). I told myself I can be like him or better. There is hope, I will change my future. I started to dream again cause amongst all the positive effects he brought into my life, He has ignited that confidence in me that hello if a handsome fellow talks to me like this, then i must be interesting.🙆🏻
Eventually (fourth year), i decided to open a window out of my box. Started to let people come to my life and learned to accept the consequences – after all i cannot be a duff without my gorgeous girlfriends.👯👯
But hey, that year I found out I can write (just like this protagonist in the movie), won best in the district, 2nd best in the region, and 6th best in entire Philippines – not bad eh!
So I guess what I am saying is being Duff is a choice to feel bad about, or something we can choose to accept and live with. We may not be liked by most people, but there will be those few true people that would love us just the way we are.
“I have changed my equation to people + love = pain:happiness” – i suck at math 🤓
Well this was me with highschool. College was another disaster. But lets talk about that on my next diary/ blog entry cause yeah if you were reading carefully, you would know that i have only opened a window from my wall. So many more things have happened before i found my “wrecking ball”.
Hello! It is so typical of me to talk about myself (sorry not sorry).
Two months ago I have asked for topics for this blog from which one responded to write on “Moving on”.
Two months later, here I am in front of the screen still struggling to compose a firm thought on this subject matter
Two reasons: 1. It’s hard not to base this on personal experience or disclose personal insights on a sensitive subject; 2. which from the two reasons are we focusing on, death or love?
Then again, here I am with two reasons to write it down: 1. Below steps are proven and tested… by me (I have died in many ways because of love) 2. Because of death, I value love more than anything.
Let me explain further:
You will be surprised how many of my friends had suffered loss in the last 2 months. How could words be enough to express the anguish they are feeling? How could words be enough to ease the pain?
I cannot, words cannot.
Losing a loved one no matter how necessary, no matter how timely to passing can never be easy.
There is that hole in our hearts that nobody else could ever fill.
The fact that there can never be a second chance makes it a lot harder to accept.
The word will always be never… we cannot bring back what we have lost and the only choice is too let go.
Basically, we would not feel such agony if not for love.
Nothing else can ever bring you up then crush you down but love.
Love will always be walking high air by a thread. It is a risk to take, a choice to make, a reason to bake a cakeJ.
Love gives so much that when it is taken back, it could ruin a dream, a soul, a life.
I guess they cannot be separated. A relationship dies without love, while death coverts love from fleeting to everlasting. Does it sound like there is no escape?
Interestingly, there are so many factors that can greatly affect how we as human “move on”: family, upbringing, circle off friends, social media, multi and print media, society, workload, passions, religion, and for us Overseas workers, country and distance major factor too. All of these comprise our EQ – How smart are we to move on.
So yeah! the answer is not even an escape. The answer is a choice. Your choice!
Imagine yourself facing a crossroad, where would you go?
Backwards – To the past – while the more logical choice is to move forward, our natural instinct is to go back and stay to that familiar feeling (even if it hurts). Most people are drawn to cling on to the small bits from the past with the hope to bring it back.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in being nostalgic. What sin you are committing is boxing yourself up that you are missing to see the light, the greener pasture, and the beauty of what is to come.
General rule: (in this case, the rule I have learned from experience: We have to hands with five fingers each, if the negative points passes from one hand to the other, that’s already red flag – PLEASE DO NOT BE BLINDED BY LOVE).
Left way – To let go – once we invest our feelings, we must not expect that it will come back the same way. We must realize that nothing is permanent and like time, those emotions, those memories, those actions and words will pass on the left road, possibly leading its way further or rounding up in a loop back to you.
The people we love come to our lives with a purpose (good or bad), and leaving may or may not be their choice, but they have reached their target and must move on.
Right way– To accept – it only makes sense. When we lose something, the right thing to do is embrace the truth. The choice will always be ours. Friends will always be there to feed you with the tenderest and comforting words but if you fail to accept the situation, you are bound to feel that hard to breath, squeezing feeling in your heart most of the time. Acceptance does not mean you gave-up. It means you have opened up your horizons to see the positive side of your situation.
For our loved ones who have left us in peace, this may be the best to ease their burden or to remove their pain. For those love stores that did not work, it did not work because it will never work.
God gives what our hearts desire, but removes what can burn like fire.
See the brighter side. Give thanks and be ready for what is to come.
To make sure nothing hold you back, FORGIVE!
Straight ahead – To move forward – we can always look back and reminisce, turn left and let go of whatever cause pain, turn right and accept the things we cannot change then when we are healed, we can finally start anew. What lies ahead is always a surprise. Could be another bumpy ride or another crossroad; are you ready or still stuck from the previous mudflow?
In the battle to move on, time is our only allegiance. Be patient, it pays to wait for the right person or opportunity at the right time (#ALDubEBTamangPanahon reference done!:). Do not rush into things. Pray and contemplate, it helps you make better choices, and keeps you closer to God. Always give your best, always be a blessing but never expect. Do not lose hope, be excited, feel the chills.
Find the inner peace, find your passion, and find whatever makes you happy. This is your second chance whatever reason have caused you pain. However never go beyond your limits. Remember we are trying to be better by moving on, and not put this chance into waste. Never settle for second best, or second choice. Always aim for number one because that always points to Him who is above, the greatest love.
Once you have finally moved on, everything else is just a piece of the puzzle that you continue to build along the way. All these struggle, this triumph from pain of love and death – these make you more ALIVE and LOVE harder!
I am back with lots of thoughts and words that needed to escape my consciousness without any desire to grab attention. I am just here to share what’s on my mind like a Facebook status. Hey, I feel that I have more sophistication to share through WordPress and then share it Facebook. It makes me feel like a real blogger 😉
To start with, remember when I used to complain about having one day-off not enough? I finally had it after such a long time as I was given a 2 consecutive day off (normal off plus a public holiday). I have a word to describe it: BORING!
Here’s the deal: If I was in my normal self, I am probably walking along the streets of Abu Dhabi City, or Dubai, or any mall my feet would take me at this very moment. Like how my aunt used to say, I am a certified LAGATAW which in international language means “A person who likes to travel or walk a lot”. But here I am, bounded by household chores and self-cleaning (Referring to mani pedi and etc.). It just works for the best: Saving money and contemplating on what lies ahead.
Oh you betcha, I have been contemplating a lot in the last two days. Can’t event count how much thoughts have passed through my neurons, let alone the memories that have been lurking in my cerebral cortex, nor the visions and imaginations cooking inside my head for the last 24 hours (less the hours spent for net browsing and social media). Those who know me best would often say “You are over-thinking stuff again”. Well If I don’t over-think, then who am I? 😀
To the people I care about the most, I would like to apologize if you have beaten your tongue a couple of times today or if you stumbled out of the blue (this is a superstitious belief in Philippines) cause 97% chances are, I may have been thinking of you either yesterday or today :).
I missed you and as far as the situations we are in, I may be missing a lot of stuff in the future too. Let me remind you though, one more time: I AM THINKING OF YOU. So take care!
To sum up, here are the words to the song PEOPLE, “People alone may go very fast but maybe not so far”.
All I am saying is, you may have all your requested Day-Off or Holidays all at one (plus vacation), but without anyone to spend it with (cause they may be back in the Philippines or Working or just simply busy with their own lives)… then it is just BORING!
*I got a chance to exchange words with Aedrian, miss you!
**Mary Rose arrived from work so I have somebody to watch Pitch Perfect 2 in Dalma
***Everything happens according to HIS masterplan.
****Smile, it is a beautiful life.
Woot woot…. yesterday was the first day of our performance for the yearly Traditional Christmas Caroling at the St. Regis Saadiyat Island Resort. Although there were a few glitches, I would say we did a pretty good job.
Proof would be the smiles and cheering from the crowd. And who could deny that the carols made mommies and nannies swing their hips, or daddies clap and tap their foot. Yet, the most fulfilling part for the group is to see the adorable children dancing along the tune of “Christmas medley”, “rocking around the Christmas tree”, “Feliz Navidad”, and the classics, “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer” and “Jingle bells”.
Indeed we have a very talented musician in the loop, Exalt Kymberly, who did the arrangements of the songs. The singers, composed of all associates from different departments in the hotel collaborated, not only in voices but also in style to give life to the music. The gentlemen: Jam , Arnico, Gretchon, Roland, Joel and Gary. The Ladies: yours truly, Maria Katherine, Victoria, Maharlika, and Claudine. (applause…). Special Thank you to Carmel for being their to support us, even if she couldn’t join on the first night due to busy schedule. She was there to make sure we are all on the same pace and movement (literally 🙂 ).
This year, the carolers were a mixture of the best from year 2012 and 2013 members plus very talented new recruits. I, a member since 2012 have seen lots of improvements in our song choices and performance as well. We also received good feedback with our new costume for the ladies inspired by classic Audrey Hepburn and modern Glee star Lea Michelle.
The setting, a stage infront of the OLEA restaurant fountain facing the “Winter Garden” with snow covered Christmas trees, Reindeers, Santa and his sleigh added a warm touch to the cool breeze from the sea.
Alas, the first day, the make or break performance is over, yet the fourteen days of performance every night, 18:30 to 18:45 has just begun. Just like our traditional “nine morning masses in the Philippines”, I promise myself complete these days as a pledge in honor of Christmas Spirit of Giving. As said in the song “Give love on Christmas day”, i believe that in this little way, “… can give more than the presents from the store”: time, talent, and dedication to bring the Christmas cheer to one and all.
My wish on the first day of Christmas Carol is to keep the team healthy althroughout the performances. (Filipino tradition is that 9 morning masses can grant wishes from small to huge ones as long as it is pure and it comes from the ❤ ).
Christmas is sacred, magical and yes… musical too…